This is going to be a long one. So leave while you can

I wrote this yesterday because I couldn't sleep. You know how is it like when you couldn't seem to doze off no matter how hard you tried and how exhausted you are? Then your thoughts start drifting away... thinking harder and harder as the moments pass... dreading each and every detail of your life... Well, if you don't, that's what I went through anyway.

Okay, here goes... my god this is like an essay -.-"

I guess I've sort of gotten used to the idea of not having a boyfriend since I haven't really had one anyways. I had crushes alright (lots of em as well) but as I say, none came close to love. Sometimes I envy those people that are madly, deeply in love. And I've often wondered... Am I a person that's icy-cold? Heartless? Emotionless?

People who knows me often thought of me as this person who has high expectations in guys. Fine. I admit that I do have expectations... but who doesn't? Ask yourself deep down have you never idealize about the personalities and qualities of the person you consider as your perfect match? Have you not? Com'on be true to youself. I'm willing to bet you had... even if it's just a wee bit.

Some people sees me as someone who's never satisfied and expects too much just because I rejected them. But truth is, that only proves how little u know about me. So how much do you dare say you know me?And if you cannot see this other side of me, this side that is always haunted by insecurities, struggling to seek truth and acceptance, you might not be worth calling a true friend after all.

Yes, sometimes I do complain. Why does life treat me unfair or why is it that I never get what i wanted... only to realise that life had actually gave me everything without me knowing it. I knew this the moment I look around and see how blessed I am to have you guys in my life (you know who you are!) and how blissful i should feel to be able to become the person I am today.

I never dared to let anyone know about this other side of me. Maybe you would feel uneasy after reading this. If it is so then I appologize. I just think it's time for me to be truthful. I owe it to myself and the people i know. I hate a world filled with secrets and lies. How nice would it be if we wouldn't have to live our moments guessing and suspecting, only to find out we were wrong to have judged and assumed. Making an ass out of you and me. The person who invented this word must be a genious. Ass-U-Me *Assume

There you go, I poured my heart to you. Don't you dare judge me.