Here's the deal, yesterday I wrote a super emo post with all the hidden emotions, secrets, and the-side-of-me-which-is-very-not-me unveiled running around, then I regretted publishing even if it's for that few minutes only. *Laughs at self for acting so impetuous*

So, today I rethought of what I said, and wrote something like an afterthought, which is very weird of me I know. I was hesitating whether or not to publish the previous post, then decided I'm not gona do it because it's too destructive, like can-kill-that-kind of destructive.

The consequences is beyond my ability to compensate, and I admit that I am not ready to take responsibility of my words YET. Seeing how things are already bad I don't see the point of making it worst, especially not before flying off.

Just before you continue, say you're planning to, you ought to know that there's no point reading because you won't understand what I'm about to say. But of course that's you're choice. And if I must make myself clear, it is fully appreciated that you keep the put-down voices to yourself if you have any. :)


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I know no matter what I say, it’s impossible that I get full understanding from EVERYONE, the kind of acceptance without any questions asked.

I don’t blame anyone nor am I in the position to do so, because no one knows EXACTLY what I’m going through, and certainly not how I’m feeling at this moment. BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT IN MY BALLET PUMPS SHOES. If you can relate to what I’m saying, I assume you would know that I did not blurt out everything for the sake of getting attention.

I believe there comes a time when too much is just TOO MUCH.

Somehow, I felt like I no longer give a damn of the consequences. I want to let it out so badly to get rid of EVERYTHING once and for all... explanations, answers, doubts, whatever it is that has been messing with theability to just-be-myself.

Everyone has emotions, and if you’ve gone through the downs, you know better than to tell someone they’re overreacting, unless they reeeeeally are that is. Ask anyone, the last thing they want to hear is for others to tell them they shouldn’t be overdramatic in the middle of an issue, well it is for me. It gives a false sense that I'm doing something wrong.

Give out a hand, or lend an ear, it’s more than enough, trust me.

I’m not saying I know, but for me it’s a way of acknowledging I can lean on you and somewhat trust you with 80% of my hear if not entirely, with my rants, grumbles, problems, issues and whatever shit life has given me on that point.

Of course, I won’t deny that every time I decide to tell someone about my issues and express how I felt about it, I secretly think I’m taking a risk. Because I’m bloody suspicious and that’s one of my flaws I have to live with.

No, I wasn’t born that way, it’s life’s phenomenon that made me what I am, I’m not using it as an excuse because there are times when I wish I could just be ignorant, making life as simple as possible. Ironic huh?

OK I’m outta words and I dunno how and what to continue. Now I’m really typing as thoughts struck me.

Here’s the thing, whenever I see an emo post, it reminds me of how people are just… well, humans. Geddit? We have feelings and emotions, we are dominated by it, it all depends on how far each person is willing to reveal it.

Some people conceal their feelings, burry their sorrows, for the fear of confrontation by others.

Some do it to ignore the problem, instead they choose to focus on other things, perhaps things that are more worthwhile.

It all varies on personal preference and outlook, but make a big U-turn and you come to the same conclusion: We are human all the same, it’s the way we deal with life’s undertakings that differentiate each and every one of us. It’s also how it makes each individual unique.

The learning never ends, not until the life ends anyway. Tomorrow you might wake up and laugh at what you did today, and for that you learn something new, it’s the meaning of living, it’s how life is, and it’s how we go on with it.

Like you wouldn’t know how to kiss until you’ve tried and learned while doing it. Hey, it’s only an example. :P

But see here, experiences has no limits, everything you do can give you an experience in any way, but life (or should I say time) is limited, and so is exposure.

Ok you know what? This post doesn’t have a main point and it’s not in order, I knew it but I don’t care to copypaste + relate each paragraph like how I wrote my essays (Is that why I always got so low for my essays? :( ). I don’t wanna be a perfectionist anymore, finally tired of dreading on small details that are in no way significant, not that it's related to this in anyway though, I'm just feeling random today, or not all these wouldn't be here right?

On another random note, I'm feeling so much better compared to yesterday. Babbling helps in getting things off the shoulder (well, at least it does for me) and it just did. ;) Now I feel like I have 5 kgs off me!! though sadly I still weight the same. *grunts*
Enough nonsence for today babai I'm off to bath! ***