Thoughts thoughts thoughts.

why do I have so much going on in my mind yet I can't seem to put them in words? It's a mixture of a gazillion things and all scattered in my mind.

Wanna know what's in my head now??

I'm thinking whether I'll post this entry up or delete it after babbling out my heart, like what I did to many of my previous entries. I like to write down what I think, but after that I'll read back and if all sounds too nonsensical I'll delete it, in fear from judgmental glances or comments from others, especially those who I care for.

I'm thinking what am I doing at home alone doing nothing but sit in front of my laptop with the mini heater beside my leg on a saturday.

I'm thinking why at this moment I feel so fat wtf.

I'm thinking whether I should start working on my assignments and I know I should but why am I so lazy WHY?!

I'm thinking of home actually, of why I constantly though of home and why I miss it so much.

I'm thinking of the boyfriend too. Our picture is just at the top corner of my study table, whenever I'm feeling down or when I miss the boyfriend, I'll look at that picture and smile, in my heart thinking: I'll see you soon, real soon.

I'm thinking of why I always feel teary whenever I listen to Fei Lun Hai's Zhuan Shu Tian Shi, and yet I still replay it over and over again.

I'm thinking why nowadays I rather stay at home than go out with friends. Then I wonder why am I so anti-social, and whether I'll loose my friends this way. And if yes, what will happen to me? Will I forever remain as a loner??

I'm thinking who actually reads my blog nowadays, and if anyone even cared or remember me?

I'm thinking whether I should share what I'm really thinking and if I do will anyone think I'm weird for having such thoughts wtf.

I'm also thinking whether anyone cared what I'm actually thinking.

And now, I'm thinking why am I thinking so much and why do I even bother to write it down because it all sounds so... so... *lost words*... unnecessary???




I've decided to post up this entry which otherwise would be deleted and those listed thoughts gone together with it.