hie.

guess what? the emo girl is back, someone pls keep her away from me.

bear with me, from now on it's a whole bunch of crap and wheeny-whinny.

yes la the emo girl is me.

I don't know what's got into me, but I'm getting THAT feeling back. THAT feeling that has been haunting me since I came to Melbs, that I-wish-I'm-home-instead-of-here-I'm-depress-I'm-breaking-down-anytime-soon feeling...

eeep help.

Why la why is this happening? Life should be oh so sweet now. Ppl are envying the fact that I don't have exams. Mind you, I'm sure only few knows how tough this course can actually be sometimes. They never see how I've been swimming in my assignments for the past 4 months, how I struggle with looking for the right materials for the latest project, how I travel alone to suburbs to look for a particular shop with no map and no clue and no idea whether i'll find what i want, how I stayed at home for 2 days straight on the weekends because I had chop wood and built interior spaces, how I always accidentally cut my hand when using the cutter, or how I have been sleeping at 3-4am almost everyday since the sem starts (thats 4 months continuously ok). What I'm saying is, every course has it's own difficulties, so don't look at the end result and ignore the hardwork behind it :D

ok back to the topic. I duno what is wrong with me. why can't i just be happy and enjoy like everyone else? lately the accommodation thing has been bothering me again. to be honest, i do not like where i'm staying now, i admit that. the room gets really cold at night, the lighting is not enough and i h8 dim places (even the ikea light is brighter wtf), and the main reason of all is this place doesn't feel homey at all. maybe thats the reason y im in this vicious cycle.

and i have to stay here for another 4 months.

let's just say i got upset cuz of this. lemme ask u (if anyone is reading this at all), if there IS sth u can do to change sth ur not happy with, will u do it? even if others might think u should b patient and resonable. not that im not resonable la. but i really want to live a happier life and not spend the nex 4 months whining like a baby again.

actually even i myself duno what's the exact reason of the problem.

could it be the fact that basically me n my hsemate cant click hence we seldom communicate and both of us stay in our rooms all the time? i envy those ppl that are so close with their hsemate they talk about everything.

could it be the fact that i feel like living in someone's hse cuz nth here belongs to me. there's so many junk in the store (stuff they the previous owner left behind) that sometimes it just seem like they use this place to put their stuff = ="

or could it be the fact that the hsemate is living in the master bedroom with the bathroom attached and phoneline and the cozy temperature and paying the same amount of rent as i am and she was the one who chose that room when i was the one who settled the rent business with the owner and the one who applied for the internet connection and the one who has to buy the router (we are sharing the connection)... and i don't even know why am i bringing the old stuff up now i know i don't make sense someone slap me please.

bottom line... i really don't like where im staying now. it's not that this place is not good and im not complaining about the condition of it, but rather, its the feeling i get when i in here. heck i feel more at home when im at my fren's place. and i really wanna moveee out :(


to conclude this pointless post, i care alot about having a place i can call my own. and i admit i've been complaining unnecessarily and i really should stop once and for all because even i myself is getting annoyed at this.


everyone has an ugly side, i obviously do. i tried to hide it, but guess i've failed. hope ppl still treat me the same :) *attempts to be optimistic*

photobucket is back, my bandwidth is back, but no pictures to post, cuz nth interesting happening lately that's worth taking pics of. i miss home. i miss you. i miss my sapohs. i miss everything i don't have now. and i miss how i can control my emotions unlike now.

good night.